This week, news summaries brought to you from around the globe…

A Manchester, England woman claims that ever since a bolt of lightning hit her laptop, she has been the recipient of a seemingly endless supply of ebooks. The incident, which occurred during an electrical storm in late spring of this year, sparked an avalanche of new email messages all instructing Fiona Hearth to download the latest product she ordered. However, the hobby farmer does not recall ever making such orders, “not in my right mind, anyway.” Fiona says, however, that she does download the ebooks even though she has little use for them personally because they all have such compelling titles. Her flash drive ebook library now takes up so much space in her tiny cottage that she has had to relocate her previously indoor cat outside. “On rainy days he just stands at the window, mewing,” she said, “but really, each of these books is unique and tells some bloody amazing secret that must be preserved for human history, so out he went!”

Fiona, a humanitarian at heart, says she intends to create a lending library made up of the ebooks, a move that is striking fear in the hearts of ebook authors everywhere who want every reader to pony up their $47. Meanwhile, the Fairy Tale Society is looking into this real-life “magic mill,” while a leading shopping cart system says there is a logical explanation behind all this, citing a glitch in their system. They are feverishly attempting to solve the problem in the face of mounting pressure from freaked-out Internet marketers.

Residents in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania say their famed groundhog, Phil, better watch more than his shadow. In fact, he should watch his back as his thunder is being stolen by a wayward duo of busy beavers who have descended upon the town. The pesky beavers have been spotted tenaciously building dams in several Internet marketers’ multiple streams of income and, apparently, the prolific little rodents think this is hilarious to boot. Observers say the oddball pair appears to consist of a highly sarcastic male ringleader and a female who appears too nice to really be building dams but who has a tell-tale glint in her eye as she does it.

Finally, did you know that there is a direct correlation between your Body Mass Index and your Keyword Density Index? The latest issue of Sedentary Health shows that if you stand in front of the refrigerator stuffing your face, the chances are that you’re just as likely to stuff the articles you market with meaningless keywords in the never-ending quest for perfect search engine optimization. Compulsive abuse of keywords is beginning to be recognized as a real medical problem, and treatment options, similar to twelve-step programs, are already receiving large government research grants.

photo: iStockphoto.com

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So, let’s say you wrote an ebook that currently sells for the low price of $97. It’s about making money with Adsense.

Or perhaps you sell some $147 software that automatically churns out websites focused on displaying Adsense ads.

And then someone comes out of nowhere and reveals a much better way to make money, and gives it away for free. What would you do?

Get defensive, probably. And that’s what all the “gurus” are doing now that The Death of Adsense and Life After Adsense have been released.

I love it.

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