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I have compiled an Internet Marketing Glossary to help newbies “learn the lingo” so they can get started in internet marketing. Here is what you need to know:
A
Arrogance - When an internet guru shows pictures of his car and says “I’m better than you, and your only chance to improve is to buy my ebook.” See also, Rich Jerk.
AuctionAds - A worthless ad network.
B
Boring - How it feels to read one of the many “how to make money online” blogs, which are usually written by people who know nothing about making money.
C
Call to action - A phrase used to get you to do something. Examples: “Click here,” “Buy now,” “Order today,” “Join in the next 10 minutes and I’ll throw in this super duper bonus report valued at $4995.”
D
Deception - Making something appear better than it really is. Also, a popular way to sell ebooks.
E
Ebook - An electronic version of a book; the typical format to spread information on starting your own pyramid scheme.
F
Failure - A common outcome of starting a business that is more common when you take the advice of an internet guru.
G
Guru - A term that a salesman calls himself to make you think he is smart.
H
Hot - The type of girls that will flock to you once you buy an internet marketing ebook.
I
Information product - Preferred type of product that gurus will produce, because it’s easy to make.
Intellect - Something not found within a typical internet guru.
J
Joke - When an internet guru claims to make millions of dollars each year by operating automated Blogspot blogs.
K
Kick - What you would want to do to a guru if you wasted money on an ebook.
L
Lie - A way to get people to buy your ebook.
M
Money - What you will waste if you purchase an internet marketing ebook.
N
No - What you should say if a guru requests your name and email address.
O
Order button - The big, flashy button at the bottom of a sales letter. Something you do not want to click.
Outrageous - The type of claims that gurus make in order to get you to buy their product.
P
Private Label Rights - A useless addition the gurus throw in to get more money from you. It means that you can change the name of the product and resell it on your own, serving only to piss off the people who were dumb enough to buy both the original and your version of the same product.
Q
Quick - The speed at which you will become poor if you employ methods taught by gurus.
R
Red - The color of most sales page headlines.
Rich Jerk - An extremely mean and arrogant guru who sold ebooks and then went bankrupt.
S
Sales letter - A long letter about how great your life will be after purchasing a specific ebook.
Scam - When an ebook promises that you will make $2000 overnight by doing virtually nothing.
Sleaze ball - Synonymous with “guru.”
T
Testimonial - A fictional story placed in a sales letter with the goal of convincing a customer that other people have purchased the ebook and endorse it.
U
Useless - The generally accepted value of all internet marketing ebooks.
V
Volume - The knob to turn down before visiting a sales page, because chances are it includes an audio sales pitch.
W
Worthless - The time spent reading a “get rich quick” ebook.
X
Xylophone - A more practical purchase than an internet marketing ebook.
Y
Yellow - the color used to highlight parts of a sales letter to make them seem important.
Z
Zero - The number of internet marketing ebooks that I recommend.
