Come, sit at my feet to worship, and bring money. Seriously, if you really believe that the secrets to success are even secrets at all, then you don’t understand how adaptive and personalized success can be. Find a mentor, find some peers, but stay the hell away from gurus trying to sell a newsletter with access to “secret tools that the search engines don’t want you to know about.”

Click the picture for more posters, and see Digital Heretix for more great stuff!

Bookmark This Page or Email It To a Friend

Last Friday was “Freebie Friday,” so today is “Funny Friday.”

Every so often I see funny, sarcastic, or at least somewhat interesting posts on some of the other blogs out there. Since I enjoy them, and since you’re brave enough to read Internet Marketing Sucks, it’s a pretty safe bet that you’ll like these.

So on “Funny Fridays” I’ll round up all the funny posts I’ve seen and list them here.

Without further ado, here is the list for today, 9/21/07:

As if Alexa isn’t bad enough to begin with - Google’s Traffic Drops to Zero According to Alexa!

Dodging Arrows on Sphinn - Another instance where not everyone has a sense of humor.

How Web 2.0 Died - One too many tags and it all came tumbling down.

A Lesson On Corporate Blogging - Be totally F-in Amazing!

Legal Problems: Handwritten Lawsuit Accuses Google Having A Name Similar To Accuser’s Social Security Number

12 Breeds of Client and How to Work with Them - With cartoons!

And if reading all those didn’t make you happy, remember - it’s Friday!!

Bookmark This Page or Email It To a Friend

Have you ever wondered if you have a soul mate?

I have, but I think I found her! Suckered.us is not only my potential soul mate, but the place to go to warn the public about someone that has suckered you.

As much as I love to expose scams and make fun of the self-proclaimed gurus, I can only do so much on my own. That’s where you come in - by filing a report at Suckered.us.

Just take a look at their home page and you’ll see the top 10 list of complaints, along with 10 new complaints. For example, Bush.Suckered.us hold the top spot!

(Sorry if you’re a Bush supporter, but I couldn’t resist!)

Anyway, Bush got his own subdomain. Anyone that happens to visit it will see a nice mug shot and a little story about how Bush suckered all the US citizens into a war against terror just so he could take control of oil reserves in Iraq.

Slightly less popular are people like Fergie and Britney Spears, although they are still represented for tricking people into thinking they look good!

Godaddy made it on there too. (It’s a good one!)

So it doesn’t matter who you have a problem with. If someone suckered you and you want to stop them from suckering anyone else, just post the story online right now. Your complaint will get its own subdomain and maybe even be featured on the home page!

Bookmark This Page or Email It To a Friend

Today I’m going to answer a question that no one has written in to ask, but I figured it’s one of those questions that someone *might* ask if I was a popular guru with lots of loyal newbies listening to my every word…

Why are you making fun of all these gurus and websites? Are you some hot shot?

To that I say, everyone just needs to lighten up a little. Life’s too short to take everything so seriously. Hopefully this blog brightens your day

I’m certainly not a hotshot nor any way above these other webmasters and bloggers. A good number of them are smarter, richer, more experienced, and maybe even better looking than I am.

But I like to have fun and make jokes, and it just so happens that I use a lot of sarcasm. So you’ll need to get used to it, because otherwise every post on here will probably offend you!

If you’re new to this blog, hopefully that explains things, and you can look forward to more reading material.

Bookmark This Page or Email It To a Friend

If you haven’t figured it out by checking out Internet Marketing Sucks and Buy My Stupid Ebook, I’ve Tried That has a guide to spotting an ebook presell page.

It gives you the low down, just like I would say it. Which is good, because it means now I don’t have to write it myself!

[This post originally appeared at InternetMarketingSucks.com]

Bookmark This Page or Email It To a Friend

Jon from WickedFire and AOJon.com is pretty infamous in the internet marketing world. If you don’t know why, just browse his forums and read some of the link bait on his blog.

But if you check out his blog, you’ll see it doesn’t shape up to what all the SEO and blogging gurus say is the best way to do things.

For example, there is no big RSS button promoting his “full feed.” There’s really no mention of RSS other than the little Feedburner badge.

If you scroll further down, the monthly archive links get in the way of the real categories. Who cares when you wrote what?

Then if you go to a full post, the blog name comes before post name in page title. That totally screws up his SERPs!

Well, either Jon…

Doesn’t know what he’s doing is “wrong,”
Does not care what he does on his blog,
Or knows something that the gurus don’t.

Considering he has lots of money and the blog is a PR5, I think he’s doing just fine as it is!

Bookmark This Page or Email It To a Friend

DMOZ doesn’t get the attention it deserves these days. People are going after Wikipedia and the front page of Digg instead. They might have better luck there, but paying people to Digg you gets expensive, and those over-protective nerds editing Wikipedia every second of the day won’t let your link slip past.

But at DMOZ, the editors are corrupt. In 2005 it might have just been one corrupt editor, but now, if anyone is still editing, they’re corrupt beyond relief.

It’s not a bad thing, just a change you have to make in your style

And that change involves greasing some palms (figuratively speaking.) And to help you out, here are the instructions to get it done.

Bookmark This Page or Email It To a Friend