If you’re having a bad day because your PR dropped or your latest linkbait isn’t working, take a look at what I found here. This is one of the funniest and most creative pages I’ve seen online, and probably the most artistic when it comes to the internet marketing industry.

Want to brighten your day?

Read some more SEO comics! They cover topics such as copyright infringement, backlinks, reciprocal links, and more, and did I mention they’re funny?

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We’re launching a new service for the blogosphere today, called BlogCrap. It’s a totally new and innovative way to get tons of FREE traffic to your blog! All you do is install our blog widget and the hits will start rolling in!

Now that might not sound totally new, and I’ll admit, there are some similar services out there, but what sets ours apart is that it is honest. We only display news headlines that let you know what is really going on around here.

(See example to the left to verify.)

Since we’re so honest, we’ll just come out with the truth about our widget. Read about each of our news headlines below and see for yourself:

A blog ring with a new name is totally cool.

If you think about it, BlogCrap is nothing more than an old-fashioned web ring with a snazzy new name. This is Web 2.0 after all, and “blog ring” just wasn’t as cool as BlogCrap. Making it into one word was even cooler, and that means anyone displaying our BlogCrap widget is definitely in the “in” crowd.

Sorry about the down time, we didn’t think so many people would fall for this crap.

If you were a member of our private beta, you probably experienced some down time. Not only that, you were earning credits and we never displayed them. We’re really sorry, and it’s totally our fault, but expect it to continue in the future. (It’s because we’re displaying paid sponsor ads on all the blogs, so we never get a chance to display your site, even if you’ve earned it.)

We’ll pay you $12/hour to ban your competitors’ blogs.

The is a one-time, special offer exclusively for my existing client base. We’re totally overtaken with blog submissions and need help sorting them out, and we’ll even pay you $12/hour to help. And it’s super easy. All you have to do is click either “accept” or “reject.” It helps if you can read, but that’s not required. I know you could join and then just start rejecting blogs you don’t like or ones that are your competitors, but I trust you’ll do the right thing.

I can’t wait to sell the emails of all our members.

To sign-up, you have to reveal personal information such as name, email, blog URL, social security number, mother’s maiden name, and your father’s middle initial. Nothing out of the ordinary, just be forewarned that we will be selling this information to multiple parties, maybe even with master resell rights.

I like tampon blogs.

We only approve quality blogs into BlogCrap, but you should know that I have a thing for tampon blogs. Collecting free tampon samples is my hobby, there’s nothing weird about that.

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After mentioning David Airey’s contest and resulting penalty, I got an email from him asking for his link to be removed!

It was an attempt to “diffuse the Google bomb” that had resulted from all the links, which was probably a big part of his Google penalty. I didn’t think much of it and removed the link a few minutes after I got the email.

But I completely missed out on a good reason to bash him! See, I didn’t win anything in the contest, and he still had the nerve to ask for my help!

He actually beat me to it in his latest post:

I wanted to “diffuse the Google bomb”, as Hamlet put it. Thankfully, and within two days of my email, I received many replies from the prize draw entrants, telling me they’d removed the links. If you were one of those people, thanks so much for helping out, especially those of you who didn’t win anything in my draw.

Yep, it wasn’t until after I complied and he thanked me that I realized I could have made fun of him! Maybe I’m getting old and losing my edge.

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It’s Funny Friday once again and I have some really funny and controversial stuff to talk about today!

First off, there was a post about Agloco, a program I almost forgot about, at CashQuests. It’s all but dead and buried these days, so I’m glad I totally ignored it!

I have almost totally ignored DealDotCom, but some new controversy was stirred up which got me hooked. The story is too long to repost here, but it started between John Chow and Cash Quests, with Cash Quests getting another post in.

Of course, there was a response. And that’s probably the best part, because of this quote:

Did I lower the price of MGP.us to coincide with the DealDotCom offer? No. The price was lowered days before because the conversion rate was pathetic! I soon realized that the product wasn’t worth $17. Why? Buttons, badges etc are relatively easy to make with anyone who has experience with Photoshop. So the price was lowered to $7.

LOL! It’s apparently find and dandy to change terms as you see fit, when you don’t own the copyright… It’s like how people think “if the site doesn’t have a copyright notice on it, I can steal the content!”

Also, “People could do this on their own if they wanted to, so they shouldn’t have to pay for it.” That would be great if that was the case, because then I could get all sorts of free stuff. Taxis, cleaning crews, software developers, etc - all for free, because if I really put some work in, I could do that stuff on my own anyway…

I’m all for bending the rules, but I’m not so fond of the copyright violations and totally illegal behavior… Plus I have common sense.

Which is why this post is so terrible yet so funny!

As is all this bickering.

And that’s all for today.

P.S. I still think DealDotCom is a scam. Why? Because to get to the supposed DealDotCom, you actually have to go to DealDotComDotCom. (The real deal is here.)

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No matter what Google says about reciprocal links or how much they crack down on paid links, everyone is going to be soliciting links. Paid links are still big business, and the reciprocal link requests are flooding my inbox like it’s 1999!

Since the web is built around links, you need to get links, that’s a given. But there’s a lot to learn about getting them. Some bloggers give some good advice on getting in touch with top bloggers, but I haven’t seen anyone tell you exactly what NOT to do!

Without further ado, here are 3 perfect examples of what NOT to send to someone you want links from:

The “Wait… Do I Know You?”

Hello,

We are following up on our recent phone call and wanted to speak with you or the appropriate person in your organization about the benefits of joining the Mojive Interactive Network.

We noticed that you are driving traffic and promoting performance-based campaigns in the health and fitness category and would like to tell you more about the advertising campaigns sourced by Mojive Interactive that can be promoted via search marketing, opt-in email lists, and general banner/text link placements.

Mojive Interactive - with its superior account management, extremely competitive payouts, and aggressive payment terms - would like to explore several of these options with your site.

Contact us at your earliest opportunity and we look forward to getting you set-up with a new account to our proprietary publisher network.

Thank you for your time,

Mojive Interactive

First of all, I never heard of Mojive Interactive. Strike one.

Second, they sent that email to a personal email address of mine, not a business email. Strike two.

Third, they don’t even use my name or mention one of my websites. Strike three.

So not only is it a generic template email, it pisses me off. To the trash bin with you!

(*I think they must have gotten my info from spammers/telemarketers or something, considering they have outdated info and say nothing about my company or websites.)

The Old-Fashioned Link Farmer

Dear Webmaster,

I am sorry for sending you a second email. I have emailed you a request for adding a link to my client’s website, on your “Links” page.

[MY URL]/links.htm

I am only sending this email as a reminder. Kindly consider listing it under your links section or any other minimum PR 3 page.

If you think we can go ahead, here’s some information about my client’s site:

Title – Lap Band
Url : http://www.lapspam.com/lapband-weight-loss-surgery.php
Description - Safe, effective Lap Band weight loss surgery

Title – Hoodia Gordonii Plus
Url : http://www.redapplespam.com/hoodia-gordonii-plus.html
Description - Don’t be fooled by products that claim to have real hoodia gordonii! Powerslim is one of the few products that offers 100% Pure hoodia gordonii plus and has the proof to back it.

I will add your site on my site here,
http://www.impsport.com/links/links08.html
http://dynamic.rssunderground.com/Fitness.html

If you have any queries or you’d like more information, kindly contact me.
And thank you very much for your consideration!

Thanks,
Link Manager

At least this person emailed me at a proper email address and listed my URL they were interested in. But they offered to put my link on some super cheesy link farm! Are you kidding?!

The Nigerian Bank Linker

Dear Beneficiary,
The Foundazion Di Vittorio has chosen you by the board of trustees as one of the final recipients of a link exchange.

To celebrate the 30th anniversary 2007 program, We are giving out a yearly donation of $500,000.00 USD to 40 lucky webmasters,as charity donations/aid from the Vittorio Foundation, ECOWAS, EU and the UNO
To file for your claim, You are to fill out below information and send it to the Payment Remitance Office Via their email contact address below

Full Name:….. Address:…….Occupation:…..Country:…..phone:……
Sex:……….Age:……….Next of Kin:………….Winning Batch No:……..
Reciprocal Link URL:…………………………………………………………

Payment Remitance Officer’s Contact
Mr Adolfo Pepe
E-Mail: fdv_claimsagent07@yahoo.it
http://www.fondazionedivittorio.it

Ok ok, I didn’t get that exact email looking for a reciprocal link…

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TGIF! If you’re still stuck at work, here are some goodies to get you through the rest of the day:

MillionDollarWiki sucks, MillionEuroWiki sucks twice as much, but finally, this copycat sets itself apart.

Also, DealDotCom Sucks! It must be true because other people (as opposed to just me) think so!

But… what exactly is so bad about DealDotCom products?

So if DealDotCom isn’t great, what is? This website guaranteed to produce $2400 in monthly revenue, which just sold for the bargain basement price of $145.

Maybe it was a ripoff though? You can never be sure these days.

You can’t be too sure about Google, either, as they keep dishing out John Chow treatments.

But one thing you could do is skip out on link a dinking.

But whatever you do, don’t get lost.

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Come, sit at my feet to worship, and bring money. Seriously, if you really believe that the secrets to success are even secrets at all, then you don’t understand how adaptive and personalized success can be. Find a mentor, find some peers, but stay the hell away from gurus trying to sell a newsletter with access to “secret tools that the search engines don’t want you to know about.”

Click the picture for more posters, and see Digital Heretix for more great stuff!

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