Aug
Real News Round-Up
This week, news summaries brought to you from around the globe…
A Manchester, England woman claims that ever since a bolt of lightning hit her laptop, she has been the recipient of a seemingly endless supply of ebooks. The incident, which occurred during an electrical storm in late spring of this year, sparked an avalanche of new email messages all instructing Fiona Hearth to download the latest product she ordered. However, the hobby farmer does not recall ever making such orders, “not in my right mind, anyway.” Fiona says, however, that she does download the ebooks even though she has little use for them personally because they all have such compelling titles. Her flash drive ebook library now takes up so much space in her tiny cottage that she has had to relocate her previously indoor cat outside. “On rainy days he just stands at the window, mewing,” she said, “but really, each of these books is unique and tells some bloody amazing secret that must be preserved for human history, so out he went!”
Fiona, a humanitarian at heart, says she intends to create a lending library made up of the ebooks, a move that is striking fear in the hearts of ebook authors everywhere who want every reader to pony up their $47. Meanwhile, the Fairy Tale Society is looking into this real-life “magic mill,” while a leading shopping cart system says there is a logical explanation behind all this, citing a glitch in their system. They are feverishly attempting to solve the problem in the face of mounting pressure from freaked-out Internet marketers.
Residents in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania say their famed groundhog, Phil, better watch more than his shadow. In fact, he should watch his back as his thunder is being stolen by a wayward duo of busy beavers who have descended upon the town. The pesky beavers have been spotted tenaciously building dams in several Internet marketers’ multiple streams of income and, apparently, the prolific little rodents think this is hilarious to boot. Observers say the oddball pair appears to consist of a highly sarcastic male ringleader and a female who appears too nice to really be building dams but who has a tell-tale glint in her eye as she does it.
Finally, did you know that there is a direct correlation between your Body Mass Index and your Keyword Density Index? The latest issue of Sedentary Health shows that if you stand in front of the refrigerator stuffing your face, the chances are that you’re just as likely to stuff the articles you market with meaningless keywords in the never-ending quest for perfect search engine optimization. Compulsive abuse of keywords is beginning to be recognized as a real medical problem, and treatment options, similar to twelve-step programs, are already receiving large government research grants.
photo: iStockphoto.com
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First!
The multiple streams of income bit was a gem. Thanks Diane.
Thanks a lot for sharing. Good post.
I guess it is all marketing strategy on part of the women from manchester. I wonder how did the ic’s and semicinductor devices in her laptop survive the lightning.
I’m pretty sure the “bolt of lightning marketing” is the latest product from the creators of “butterfly marketing.” Maybe I shouldn’t reveal their secrets, but there’s a rumor they could be spamming via lightning bolts and sending subliminal messages via thunder.
This is good stuff! I have clients who need to read this!
Thank you for sharing a good stuff. Excellent post.
Man, you rock!
We have to be a bit compulsive with search engine ranking it is what we do.I do believe we could use a little therapy.
“Body Mass Index and your Keyword Density Index” Is that true? I think it is just like that flash light from electric storm.
Just a suggestion here. Isn’t it time you make fun of Twitter? Or have you done that and I just missed it.
@Work From Home Jobs
Thanks for the push! I have been kicking around something about the Web 2.0 evangelists needing Web 2.0 exorcists or something
Good thing I understand sarcasm and satire lol Funny…not what I expected when coming here, but funny
i liked the way u presented the article and the entire site. Very funny! thanks for the post.
Well first of all i wish…the lightning hits my affiliate accounts…just imagine…all of them going to 1K. And i’ll keep on shifting to new locations…just to get hit again and again.!!:-)
Interesting never heard of this kind of marketing, the lighting bolt story should really work with these online novice buyers, but I don’t think it will work with the smart buyers.
Thank you for sharing a very interesting post. Glad I found your site because I’ve never heard this kind of marketing also.
Actually, an e-book lending library section would be just about the coolest thing EVER. I’m going to bring that up with our local branch.
I guess it is all marketing strategy on part of the women from manchester. I wonder how did the ic’s and semicinductor devices in her laptop survive the lightning.
you really think its a good idea to create a “a lending library”? i mean seeing as the e-books dont actually belong to her? or maybe im just confused?
Cheers,
Peter Sacanfoldde
i wish that lightening struck my laptop aswell atleast i will get the free ebooks and start up a new website selling them out… hahahaha gud post… keep posting such funny posts