Jul
“Coach Potato” Hot New Craze for the Lazy and Uninspired Who Nevertheless Seek Self Improvement
A controversial figure has emerged in the field of personal and business coaching, and it appears that he’s the antithesis of all that demanding profession stands for. He goes simply by the name of “Coach Potato,” hailing from Idaho—or so he says, anyway.
Coach Potato made an unobtrusive entry, via a weathered red pick-up truck, to our meeting. This was held in his choice of a ramshackle diner. The only hint that he was the latest sought-after celebrity in the coach-o-sphere could be found in a vanity license plate that read “HOTSPUD.”
On personal growth: Coach Potato adamantly advises folks to buck the current trend to “do the one thing that scares you.” “What’s wrong with staying in your comfort zone?” he asked. “I see people contemplating bungee cord jumping, extreme hang gliding, and taunting pious Internet marketers. Holy Moly, why would you want to do this? Don’t you know 
you could get seriously injured this way? Well, with the first two anyway.” Coach Potato suggests that if you must explore risk-taking behavior, just try substituting one comfort food for another, i.e., chicken pot pie one night and maybe some mac and cheese the other. “That should do the trick—and you’ll save fistfuls of cash by keeping your life insurance premiums down!” he says.
On passion: “What is going on with all this passion? Think about it. People make bad decisions ‘in the heat of passion.’ There are even ‘crimes of passion!’ Do you think a passionate state of being is exactly a good frame of mind to make sound choices about your business? Chew on that and that’s the kind of thing that will make you, like my friends in the South say, ‘wake up where you was.’”
Celebrity-fueled trends based on the thinnest of metaphysical concepts conveyed by the frankly-weird activity of channeling have not escaped the Potato’s critical eye(s) either: “Forget this Law of Attraction! It’s a convoluted bunch of airy-fairy malarkey. You want to know a real secret? Consider implementing this: the Law of Subtraction. It’s easy, it’s a one-step process instead of four, it’s no-cost and anyone can do it.”
What it is? “Now write this down,” Coach Potato instructed. I did. “Just subtract yourself from negative situations. Let me repeat that. Just subtract yourself from negative situations. That’s all. I guarantee you that your life will be easier and more pleasant, and—dang!—there’s some way in there where you’ll make more money, too.”
Coach Potato teaches his mentees via teleseminars and never in person. “Heck, the point to this stuff is you gotta do it at home and in your pajamas! Otherwise, there’s not much reason for doing it, is there?” Tele-programs typically last twelve weeks, but the Coach admits, “My manuals for weeks three through twelve are blank. People generally lose their momentum for any kind of coaching after the first teleseminar, though some can sustain it for two.” However, he does ship out all home study materials with the advice that students immediately place them on their bookshelves, “so you won’t waste time and it can start collecting dust right away.”
When asked about his common-sense approach and why it might appeal so widely to Americans, 30 percent of whom are obese and live in households that have the tv on for an average of eight hours a day, the Coach simply answered: “Common sense? Yeah, I got horse sense. None of this miniature-ass sense that the other gurus have.”
Finally, he views family and friends as ultimately more important than finances. “No matter what, you’ve got to keep those home fries burning,” he announced with a wink. With that, he put his cup of joe back down on the counter and quickly wiped his mouth with the edge of his flannel shirt, calling an end to the interview.
Now that’s a hot potato! Thanks, Coach Potato, and here’s to the next tele-program you whip up being a “mashing success!”
graphic: iStockphoto.com
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LOL great article. Its interesting that he puts his friends and family ahead of his IM activities. I suspect that too many of us endx up doing it the other way around to our detriment.
Nice post.Thank u keep it up…….
Great post. It is very funny LOL!
Ohh,Thanks for providing the internet marketing stuff. I learend new topics of this internet marketing and I am sure this marketing is very useful even if we have offline marketing background.
Great article. I would really like to “attend” one of his seminars. Do you know where I can get more information?
@Jamie
I’m not positive, but you may have to get on a conference call first to get the details.
You sure have a unique way in addressing issues.
I just wonder if coach potato is taking new students, I sure will like to be part of his coaching class!
Thanks for your wonderful article, I have learned something new on how to approach the law of attraction by thinking to subtract a few things.
Very funny! Thanks for the laugh!
JR
Awesome.It really made me laugh.
Never be afraid to say “Ah, f**k it”, and do something more fun instead.
If you can’t summon up the energy to do something, you’re either tired, hungry or it’s not worth doing.
haha, great site. its like the onion of seo blogs. very funny. you should also put in some fake quotes from fake people like the onion.
bookmarked.
Thanks for the hard laugh while I waste away from boredom at work…
I needed it.
Checking for a pulse… Oh, there you are!
Thanks again,
-Nick deVere
Is that the same guy in the picture for this post and your last post? Sure looks like the same guy. Hope that’s not a picture of you!
“Just subtract yourself from negative situations.”
Man, I didn’t know what I’ve been doing for years is actually the right thing to do, and to think that my ex says I was afraid of commitment, well whos right now!
I like your phot, btw i agree with you
come to my blog friend
Hello folks! Thanks for the great comments
Just to let you know I’ve just come back from vacation so the next “Real News” won’t be posted for a few days yet.
BTW, I’m sure everyone will be interested to know that I attempted to *make money while I slept on vacation* as an affiliate but I made exactly nothing. Am I surprised?…
I can’t wait to see that. Goodluck to you,.
Sounds like one of my friend who used to come home from work and lie on the sofa like an anaconda. Veru funny and he used to say the same thing why waste energy.
I really love your post. Thank you so much for sharing.
reminds me of myself
Great Post! Reminds me of the Good Old Days
sounds like he is inspired from one of edie murphy comedy movies.
>> s that the same guy in the picture for this post
>> and your last post? Sure looks like the same
>> guy. Hope that’s not a picture of you!
Probably not.
<< graphic: iStockphoto.com
I love the “hotspud” license plate. Thats funny.
Thanks for sharing this wonderful post. Made me smile.
I lost my hammer in my couch. I was building another couch. I can’t find my hammer now, so the couch isn’t going to be built.
Idaho isn’t all about potatos you know.
I have just read these words from VOA news. I learn more words.
I think you are “mouse potatoes”, and “cabin fever”. If you say yes, so do I!!!
But those people are happy with their lives, who are we to judge them. For them we might seem riddiculous, with all those goals, hopes and dreams…
Self confidence is increases when you will have command over the subject you are dealing with or when you try to increase your knowledge.Try to know your weakness and start working on them so that you do not have to cut a sorry figure in front of others.Building a strong personality also helps increasing self confidence.
This is a new way to attract people’s attention.For doing the things he usually do and trying to brain wash people with the negative thoughts.I doubt anyone will really take his words seriously but still have the yearns to listen on what he has to say.
Haha, there are so many couch potatoes out there. Its funny that they talk about taking risks and getting injured, when they could get a heart attack from eating all of that pot pie and mac and cheese. Haha this was quite the funny post, so you won’t waste time and it can start collecting dust right away.” Really witty lines.
-Randy