Jun
Remorseful Internet Marketer Now Raises Baby Goats in Yurt
You may remember Internet guru Wendy Wolinsky (”Make ‘Em Your Captive Audience!”) from the old days — living in lavish condos on idyllic beaches and showing off her impressive bank statements at Captive Audience Bootcamp. Well, that was so last year. Today Wendy is an everyday resident of the remote Podunkius, Washington where she is surrounded by the circular walls of her modest yurt and spends her time listening to the blissful bleats of the baby goats she now raises. What happened?
This reporter had a chat with Wolinsky over a lukewarm cup of fermented goat’s milk, a natural hallucinogen capable of spinning powerful fantasies second only to the delusional thoughts a computer surfer finds him or herself entertaining after realizing - for the first time - that there is money to be made working from home.
“I was at the top of my game,” Wolinsky confided. “I had a Client Distraction device like no other on my web site’s landing page.”
“Don’t you mean Client Attraction device?” this reporter gently corrected.
“No! It was a distraction — much like saying ‘Look over there!’ while pointing to the sky with one hand and emptying the client’s wallet with the other,” Wolinsky chuckled.
I pulled my purse closer to me. “I see…”
“It worked. Just like a hemi-powered Oreck sucking them into my marketing funnel.”
I nodded. “Making them your captive audience.”
“Absolutely! It was awesome. Then one day — it had to stop. How many more ebooks and info products could I create out of thin air? Probably a lot. But I wanted to give back to society. It was hard. The first checks I made out to those philanthropic organizations were never for $50, $100. They were always $47 or $97. I couldn’t control myself. I had to actually uninstall my mindset.”
“That sounds painful.”
“Yes! What are you, kidding? I watched Oprah. I was trying to be my Best Self. And my Best Self wanted to be a millionaire.”
“Well, you did succeed,” I said. Wolinsky seemed happy with that assertion, her eyes slightly glazed over from the memories, or perhaps it was the fermented goat’s milk. “What are your future plans?” I asked.
Wolinsky thought for a moment. “I would really like to joint venture with the Dalai Lama and do some more awesome things in this world.”
I decided it was time to go. Nudging several intrusive baby goats away, I made my way to the mule that had brought me to Wolinsky’s yurt, saddled up, and then quickly rode off, chasing a vibrant sunset.
Photo credit: clairity
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Click here to buy me a beer, because damn, I need to get drunk to forget how much internet marketing sucks!
Nice article, this one will have me shaking my head the rest of the day. Owwwwww my brain hurts!
A mind blowing article! Actually, a very amazing story, I can’t imagine from being a good internet marketer. But I guess, Wendy is happy with she has in her life right now.
Great interview, pretty much sums up the whole internet marketing hustle.
Internet Marketing is a hustle but once a company gains a little awareness and starts getting some clients. He or she can often pass that hustle down to it’s workers. Therefore the ‘boss’ can concentrate on the progress and direction of the company.
Great article! and a very good Story, Thank you for sharing.
You gota love it or as Wendy did leave it.Right now it’s go me pumped to make it.Thanks.
“uninstall my mindset”?? Bwahaha. I love it.
Sucker, you should write for The Onion. Or pen a book about The 7 Habits of Highly Satiric Suckers.
Brilliant.
Hi Melanie,
Thanks so much but this is actually written by Friend-of-Sucker, Diane
There’s another “Real News” piece coming up in a bit today, and I hope you like it as much.
Take care.
I thought you might enjoy this one Melanie
I haven’t had the time to write any real stories like I had hoped, but fortunately Diane was able to step in!
The Sucker has friends?? j/k
Great job Diane - sorry I didn’t give credit where credit was due!
I can’t stop myself smiling. I was already chuckling when I read the title of the post. Excellent article.
Diane,
You always yurt the ones you love!
Man, its very nice story!…