Jan
How To Make Money Online By Exploiting Your Grandma (An Easy 7 Step Program)
“Oh darling, I’m glad you could stop by to see little old me!”
“Shut it granny. Start knitting!”
If that’s how your last conversation with your grandma went, you might just be the next dot com mogul. But if not, there’s still time to exploit her in order to support your crack addiction.
I got the idea from the “Socks with a Story” story over at Springwise (an entrepreneurial ideas blog.) Once I saw it, I knew it would be perfect for the conniving internet marketing crowd!
In Switzerland, there is a company called NetGranny that is a collective of 15 grannies who knit socks “on demand” when someone orders online. Customers get that warm fuzzy feeling from knowing that the socks were made just for them by someone they saw online. And they certainly pay a premium for it - $38/pair at today’s exchange rates!
(Considering the terrible German to English translation on their site, I doubt many Americans are ordering from them. That leaves the market wide open!)
If a few grannies can get together and make money selling socks online, surely an internet marketing guru can put together a similar website with even better marketing materials to make it more convincing. It doesn’t matter if the socks are knitted by your grandma, yourself, a group of metrosexuals, or even if they come from your local thrift store. It only matters where the customer thinks they are coming from!
Follow this step-by-step tutorial and you’ll be raking in the dough in no time:
1. Find a source of knit products, whether they are socks, mittens, caps, whatever.
The point here is to find something that you can get your hands on.
2. Craft a story about where they come from.
It could be “a 100 year old grandma that immigrated from Norway in 1910 that had to knit socks to survive the cold” or “a group of grannies passing the time at Rose Shadow Nursing Home, knitting for the children they wish they had.” Just so it inspires feelings.
3. Make a website that tells the story but also uses slick sales techniques to convince visitors to shell out $50 per item.
(Big red font and fake testimonials will be great, but unfortunately there’s no need for a 3D ebook cover.)
4. Send some press releases and run some ads.
Now you need to exploit potential buyers, convincing them to buy your product. A TV infomercial would be good, because you could use that to show a happy family enjoying their knit socks.
5. Profit.
If you did steps 1-4, this should take care of itself.
6. Call a lawyer when you get exposed as a fraud.
Hire a good lawyer and they’ll keep you out of trouble. It worked for OJ Simpson.
7. Leave the country and live off the money you made and deposited in an off-shore bank account.
Just 7 steps gets you from a nobody to a millionaire with their own island. Who says internet marketing sucks? 
[This post is being entered into the Tutorials writing project at DailyBlogTips.com]
Photo credit: caswell_tom (who does not exploit his grandma!)
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Click here to buy me a beer, because damn, I need to get drunk to forget how much internet marketing sucks!
Haha great post
Love it. Nice mascot too 
Where did you get that grandma idea I could not stop laughing. So we are going to use grandma as a marketing consultant.
LOL
I think that is the same retirement plan that the company I work for has.
I think your blog is pretty decent when dealing with making money online. I will try out some of your methods and see if they work for me or not.
Thanks for including me in your list! I will be sure to check out the other blogs on your list to find out how they are making so much more than me.
I know I do not make a lot compared to most, but I am new and still very proud of this!
Great article. Too bad both of my grandmas are dead. I do seem to recall that they both knitted. I guess I am SOL on this deal. Keep the ideas comin!
Well, I don’t know that I will be exploiting grandma just yet, but we will see what happens. Funny post, but it also leads to other business ideas outside of grandma exploiting.:)
That was funny but shocking. Good Work